Mismatched Sun
by Flowers of Moss
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Golden Sun would be like if all the characters were flipflopped? Well, wonder no more! Revised from script format
1. Prologue: Part 1

6/27/07: Minor Revisions

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It was on a dreary night in November (it was storming too), Felix's mom, also known as Beverly, stormed into Felix's room and screamed at the top of her lungs, "Felix, wake up! You lazy idiot! If you don't get up, that boulder will never get a chance to kill you, I'll do it myself!"

Felix, bleary-eyed from sleep sat up and said, "I think you need some anger management." Beverly looked thoughtful for a minute, then smiled and said, "I _did _take some classes. They helped a lot."

Felix, looking nervous, gulped. Beverly yelled at him to get going, so he leaped from his bed and ran strait into the wall. As they headed down the stairs, they realized that there were no stairs to go down, and gravity followed through. They fell to the floor below. Beverly was extremely angry, to say the least, and screamed about someone moving the stairs while smashing a few glass objects.

Felix's dad, whose name, for our purposes, is Bingo, chose to walk in at that unfortunate moment. Beverly screamed the question of the missing stairs at him. He promptly answered, "Oh those stairs were such a nuisance, so I just moved them so they wouldn't be in the way anymore."

Steam began to come out of Beverly's ears as she said "I'LL KILL YOU!"

Felix quickly said, "Let's go!", avoiding a possible nuclear explosion and the death of his father. The trio left the house, and Bingo started to head north, in the opposite direction of the safe zone.

Beverly becomes curious as to where he thought he was going and interrogated him. "Just where do you think you're going?"

Bingo helpfully answered, "Just going to help the villagers evacuate, ma'am." Beverly snorted. "Not without me, you're not! I wouldn't trust you with evacuating the chickens!" His parents abandoned him.

Felix began to whimper. "What about me?" he sobbed. "Oh, I'll just head this way because I'm sure there will be some conveniently placed boulders blocking my way." He began to walk north, and saw his sister Jenna. "Hey, what's up?" he said.

Jenna looked frustrated. "I'm trying to pull this big chest of Garet's stuff over here!" she answered. Felix looked confused. "What on EARTH for!"

Jenna pondered this for a minute, then sputtered, "Because, because…I DON'T KNOW!" She started sobbing. "All I wanted in life was to-" Felix interrupted her. "Ok, let's go." They raced down the large stairway that was nearby only to see that their friend Isaac was hanging on for dear life in the river! Garet, who was standing on the pier, yelled, "Nooooooo! My…uh…Isaac! Best buddy!" Isaac blew bubbles – er – drowned. Garet mumbled under his breath, "This is so stupid…". Dora sighed. "Well, since we can't save him, we'll have to leave him to his death." Kyle, who was too busy drawing stick figures in the mud to realize what was happening just shrugged. Bingo, who was also oblivious, yelled, "Hurray!" Beverly scowled and said to Dora and Kyle, "Well, I'm going to go find some help, since your morons are clearly unable to bother saving your only son. Just make sure stupid here", motioning to Bingo, "stays out of trouble." Kyle just shrugged again. Beverly grabbed Garet's arm, pushes him off towards town, then stomped off and promptly ran into Felix and Jenna.

"Well, what are you two morons just standing around for! Do something!" Beverly screeched. Felix blinked. "Like….what?" "Go help Garet! He's too stupid to figure out what to do on his own." Beverly fumed. Felix just blinked again. "Not like you two will be much help" she grumbled. Felix grabbed Jenna and dragged her off before she could attack Beverly. They sauntered down the path and tripped over Garet who was on the ground asleep. Felix poked him. Garet blinked. "Oh yea! I found this guy who'll help save Isaac from bubble- I mean – from drowning!" Felix scowled. "Well, where is he?" Garet glanced around. "Err…I think he's already over there!" Jenna began to look as if she would explode. The trio hurried back to where Isaac could meet his untimely demise.

"Wouldn't it be crazy if the boulder fell just as we got over there?" Felix asked. "Yea, that could be ironic" Jenna replied. "Or is it coincidental?"

As they approached the bridge, a loud crash was heard. The boulder raced towards them down the river. Felix, Garet and Jenna all screamed like little girls. Isaac drowned, along with his parents and Bingo, as far as we know. And up on the hilltop, where the boulder fell from, an Elder came out from behind a tree, feeling refreshed. "Ahh, much better." Then, looking down at the destruction below him, snickered and said, "Whoops! Sorry 'bout that!"

---


	2. Prologue: Part 2

6/27/07: Minor Revisions

Prologue: Part 2 and the Beginning of the Quest

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Felix blinked. What happened? He couldn't remember, really. Oh well. He stood up and glanced around. This doesn't look pretty, he thought to himself. He figured he should go somewhere else, so he got up and walked off. Jenna sat up and scratched her head. "Wait…" she said to herself, "I'm supposed to go with him!" She got up and ran after Felix. Their trip was cut short by booming female voice. "MUAHAHAHAHAAA! Finally! The idiot has been defeated!" Then, a male voice responded, "Well, I'm glad you're happy, Karst." Felix squinted through the rain at the origin of the noise to see a slim female with pale skin and flaming red hair, accompanied by a big burly man with white hair. Both were outlandishly dressed. Felix didn't know what to think. Jenna also drew a blank. The female foreigner sighted the siblings. "AHHH! It's the Idiot's offspring! KILL! KILL!" The burly man cocked his head and rumbled, "Kill? Hmm…" Then his eyes turned a glowing red as he grew into an enormous lizard-monster with big sharp teeth and ugly blue scales. "DIE!" it roared" Felix and Jenna screamed like little girls for the second time that day, then fainted.

As the lizard returned to its human-ish form, he sighed, "Ah, I do feel better now." The woman glanced around nervously. "Is it dead?!" she screeched. The man grinned. "Yes, ma'am!" She then smiled sweetly and said, "Oh alright, let's go then, Agatio." They walked off into what probably wasn't the sunset.

---

The sun shone on a lovely day, 3 years, 3 months, 3 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes, 3 seconds, and 3 milliseconds later. A woman's shouting was heard. "FELIX!" Beverly. "You still haven't finished fixing those stairs that your idiot dead father took down?" Felix beamed. "Nope!" Beverly fell to her knees and screamed in frustration.

Near a different house, down the road, up the stairs, and through the woods, Garet slept while Jenna tried to talk to him. Finally Jenna poked him. "You know what?" Garet sat up. "What? Huh?" Jenna stared blankly at Garet. "Hmm…? Uh, oh, I forget." Garet sat for a minute, thinking about the largest prime number, then got up and said, "Hey, let's go find Felix!" Jenna frowned, "I'm not sure that's a good idea…" But Garet was already heading that way, so Jenna dutifully followed.

Upon arriving at Felix's house, they were set upon by Beverly, so they grabbed Felix and ran to their good friend and mentor's house. But before they got there, they heard an eerily familiar female voice. "I've got the POWER!", followed by a deep male voice in reply, "Right." Felix glanced around the tree they were hiding behind to see a red-haired woman with pale skin and a big, burly, white-haired man. He scratched his head. "Wait a minute…-" Then he was interrupted by a evil cackle emitted by the woman. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" They tried to sneak away, but heard a shrill, "I SEE YOU!", then they broke into a terrified sprint, tripping over each other until they reached their destination. Karst stood in the dust cloud they left behind. "What? I thought we were just playing Hide 'n Seek! Well, anyways, I win!"

Garet reached for the knocker on the door, when a large, floating, stone eyeball burst from the doorway. The trio screamed like little girls and the Wise One said, "MUAHAHAHAHA! – er…sorry, let's go now." The three kids gasped, then fell to the ground. "What's the matter with you guys?" the Rock said, though, we're not really sure at this point how he speaks, or even, if he is actually a he. "Well, we have to watch out for those two crazies stalking me" "I find that somewhat disturbing…" Jenna said as she sat up. The companions made their way to Sol Sanctum. The Elder was there guarding the path, but he was too busy stuffing his face with berries to notice a big floating rock. So, Garet, Felix, and Jenna fought monsters, solved puzzles, and got struck by lightning while the Wise One floated around behind them. Finally, they did something right, and a big blue thing appeared. "AHH!" Felix screamed. "It's a multi-time dimensional warp!" Jenna sighed. "Actually, I think it's a door." Felix wiped his forehead. "Whew!" They entered the doorway. Garet looked around the sacred inner chamber of Sol Sanctum. "Oooh, pretty! Shiny!" He went off to try and retrieve the glittery objects. "No, Garet, you stay here, Felix and I will get them so you don't break them!" Jenna sat his pouting self down next the Wise One and they went to go retrieve the Elemental Stars.

CRASH! Jenna and Felix spin around to see the source of the noise. The two crazies they saw earlier, one holding a roll of duck tape. The Wise One was on the ground with his eyelid taped shut. Karst yelled, "Duck tape works wonders again!"

"What?" Felix was confused. "We taped his eye shut, dummy! Now, hand over the stars before we take the tape off!" Karst shouted. Felix and Jenna gasped. Garet pondered this for a second. "Wait…I don't get it…"

"Why should we trust you? We have no reason to!" Jenna said. "Well…um….er…" Karst sputtered. Then suddenly, the man, called Agatio, cried out, "I have an idea! HEY…uh…GUY!" A masked man, whose name was - oh wait, nevermind - walked out from the portal. "Yo."

"Take of your mask," Agatio commanded. "Pretty please?" from Karst.

"Whatever, man" the Masked Man replied. He began to take off the mask as Karst yelled, "I'M NOT A MAN!" The mask finally came off to reveal…."Oh, hi Isaac."

"There, you see?" Agatio said. "Isaac would never let us take the tape off, I think. So hand over the stars!"

"Hmmm…" Felix thought for a moment. "Ok!" He pitched the stars across the pit. Then, they hear a different voice from across the pit. "Youuuuuu'rrrrreeeeeeeee out!" it says. "What!" Jenna says toward the blue-haired girl that spoke the words. "Umm…" the girl mumbled.

"Mia, what took you so long?" Karst inquired. "Oh, just a little wind" Mia replied. Karst raised her eyebrows, then shrugged and said, "Oh well, alright, we've leaving now, and we're gonna take this big rock and this other guy with us!" The Wise One struggled from his tape and shouted, "I am a powerful deity!" Agatio squinted at the Wise One and said, "So you say…"

"You do that. Have fun!" Felix shouted across the chasm as he reached for the Mars star. As he pulled it from its setting, the volcano began to rumble and erupt! Felix and Jenna screamed like little girls. They heard a sound not unlike a drumroll as a shadow formed above them. As the light fell onto the form's face, they saw their most dreaded nightmare. "IT'S THE EVIL OF ALL EVILS!" Felix shouted at the same time Karst screamed, "KRADEN!" Karst and Agatio grabbed their hostages and ran from the horrible creature while Felix and Jenna hid behind the Mars statue. Kraden began blabbering on about absolutely nothing when suddenly they appeared at the entrance of Sol Sanctum. Both companions gasped and panted on the ground when the mayor, the Great Healer, and Beverly walked up to them. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Felix's mom shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Count to ten, ma'am," they mayor said, as he tried to calm Beverly down.

"onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" she shouted again. The Great Healer coughed and said, "Well, you have to go save the world now." Beverly stopped her ranting and looked at the Healer. "What? They're leaving!" The mayor replied, "That's right, ma'am. Tomorrow"

"Life is just about to begin!" Beverly ran skipping and dancing down the path toward town.

The next day, another bright, shining day, the whole town gathered at the gates to see their heroes off. Two children were standing at the edges of the crowd looking over all the people. One asked the other, "Why isn't Beverly there to see them off?"

"She's still partying. She'll have a nice hangover tomorrow though," the other replied. The first kid chuckled. "If she doesn't die from alcohol poisoning first…"

Out by the gates, the Great Healer was giving last minute instructions to Jenna and Felix. "Here's some bead thingys. They do something. Have fun! Don't come back!" Jenna said, "Umm….", while Felix said, "Er…"

"Well, let's go already! Go save the world!" the mayor said to them as he shoved Felix and Jenna out the gates and slammed them shut. The two stood for a minute and blinked. "Is it just me," Felix said, "Or were they trying to get rid of us?"

"It's just you," Jenna replied.

---


	3. Sheba: Queen of Beef

6/27/07: Revision

Mismatched Sun

Chapter 3: Sheba

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So, Felix and Jenna began to walk down the path toward their adventure, when Felix saw a large walking mushroom. Felix said, "Hey, look, a mushroom!" The mushroom spotted them and growled, "EAT! FOOD! RAWR!" and promptly began to eat Felix. Felix screamed like a little girl as Jenna laughed at him. She then realized that the mushroom was eating her brother, so she pulled out a scythe and yelled, "DIE!" and sliced the mushroom in two. She wiped her forehead and said, "That was easy." Felix pulled himself from the mushroom corpse and seeing himself covered in mushroom monster guts, said, "Eww…"

They continued on the path, finally arriving at the small town of Vault. Upon arriving, Felix notices a strange man in armor, and notified Jenna of this observation. The man in armor suddenly shouted at Jenna and Felix, "I AM THE MIGHTY AZART! FEAR MY WRATH!" Jenna, who was taken aback, said, "Right," and the two siblings scurried away.

They entered a house, which just happened to be the house of the mayor of Vault. The mayor's wife screamed in fright at the two unexpected guests. Then they heard a voice of a girl, saying, "Mmm, smell the beef." Felix and Jenna were completely confused, then they saw where the voice was coming from. A short, blonde-haired girl walked up to them and yelled, "I control all that is beef! …among other things" and cackled loudly. The two stumbled away from the strange girl, but she grabbed Felix's arm and read his mind. "Woah, her haircut is horrible," was what he was thinking. She pulled away, yelled, and cast Spark Plasma on Felix. He was somewhat fried after this abuse, so he just stood there and said, "Ouch."

Once Felix was brought back to his senses, the girl was introduced as Sheba, and they found that she had a problem. "Someone stole my rod." Jenna was disgusted. "Is there something you neglected to tell us?" Sheba glared at her and said, "Ug, you're dirty. Jenna shrugged, the noticed Felix had disappeared. "Hey, where'd he go?" She glanced out the window and noticed some fighting going on outside. They went out there to see Felix fighting Azart. The armored man fell to the ground and Felix shouted, "I WIN!" and Azart shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…" and so on. Then Azart and his two armored companions, Satrage and Navampa ran for their lives. Felix dusted off his hands and said, "That was too easy," while Sheba shouted, "My rod!" Felix spun to face Sheba, looking sickened, so she shouted, "My stick!" Felix sighed in relief. The trio left Vault in peace.

They continued on their journey to arrive at the Goma Cave. Felix looked at the entrance and said, "Oh look, a conveniently placed stump that's in our way." Sheba smiled and said, "I will use the power of beef to rid us of this hindrance!" Jenna looked bewildered as Sheba began to chant. Then a horde of cows suddenly appear and push the stump out of the way, then left just as suddenly. Sheba grinned. "I told you beef was powerful." Felix blinked and said, "Wait, why are you still following us?" Sheba just cackled.

They entered the cave only to find yet another conveniently placed stump. Sheba began to summon another horde of cows when Jenna interrupted. "No, don't! We'll just go around it."

"But-" Sheba began.

"NO!" Jenna shouted. So, they went around the stump. As they reached the exit of the cave, Felix looked back and said, "I bet we were supposed to go all the way through that cave to get to the other side of that stump."

"What would be the point in that?" Jenna asked.

"Time-waster," Sheba answered. Jenna nodded. "Oh." They continued on the road until they reach the city of Bilibin, where they met the mayor of the town. They found out that the neighboring town of Kolima had a bit of a problem. But the mayor would not let them go help, saying, "I'd let-r yer help-r me-r, but-r you're-r too-r young-r."

"What!" Felix cried. The portly mayor replied, "You're-r just-r laddie-rs"

"Who you calling laddies?" Jenna and Sheba yelled at the mayor. Felix snickered "-Ers". The mayor scowled and said, " You-r can't-r go-r.", to which Felix replied, "Too bad." They went to Kolima.

Walking into the town, Sheba cried out, "Look at all the cows!" Jenna snarled at Sheba. "You better not have-"

"I DID NOT!"

Felix sighed. "Let's just go now." So they left the town. Why waste time?

---


	4. Various Events Near Mercury Lighthouse

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Mismatched Sun

Chapter 4

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The trio of adventurers came upon a great forest. "What's with all the COWS?" Jenna yelled. Excuse me, this is the Kolima Pature. Sheba frolicked among the flowers and the cows. "Hooray for cows! There's so many of them!"

Jenna put her hands over her face. "I can't believe this…"

Felix looked at the cows, up at the sky, down at his feet, and over his shoulder before saying, "What are we doing here, again?" Jenna smiled evilly. "We should be getting rid of all these cursed cows!"

Sheba nearly fainted. "What? How could cows possibly be a curse? This is preposterous! Why I-"

"Oh, SHUT UP!" yelled Jenna and Felix. Sheba pouted for a few seconds, then began giggling hysterically. "What's her problem…" Jenna mumbled. Felix turned around and gulped. "Uh…uh…" Sheba squealed. "That's a really big cow!"

"Really," replied Felix. "Really." Jenna looked like she was about ready to burst into tears as the giant cow began to speak. I AM THE LORD OF THE PASTURE, he said. "But, dude…" Felix sputtered. "You're a cow." WHAT'S YOUR POINT?, the cow asked him. ANYWAYS, THE PEOPLE OF KOLIMA TRIED TO EAT ME. SO NOW SOMEONE ELSE WILL EAT THEM! AHAHAAHAHA.

"…" said Felix. Jenna began muttering to herself something rather negative about cows, especially large ones. Sheba began to get angry. "You're a bad cow! Beware my mighty power of beef!"

WAIT, WHAT?

Then he was trampled by a large stampede of cattle. Sheba laughed. "This is all too easy. Some quest this is!"

The giant cow groaned in his trampled state. WAIT, I TURNED THE PEOPLE OF KOLIMA INTO COWS? Felix nodded. "Seems to be the case, though, it's no big deal."

"Felix!" Jenna shouted. "This is kinda important"

OH, WELL IT'S TOO BAD. NOTHING I CAN DO. The cow lord died. Jenna turned to the murderer of the giant bull. "SHEBA!"

"Whoops…."

Felix glanced around to make sure no one was watching them, then he grabbed the girls' arms and made a run for it.

Later that day, the three found themselves in some cave, far from the cursed pasture. Jenna shivered. "You know, it's getting kinda cold."

"Well, you know, that's what happens when you go north in the middle of the winter," replied Sheba. Felix looked around a corner of the cave. "Hey, what's that?" The girls stuck their heads around Felix, only to see a Ravager. Felix screamed like a girl and ran away, with Jenna in hot pursuit. Sheba began to summon her horde. "I summon th-" when she felt herself being dragged along the floor by her companions.

A while later, they reached Imil. "You know, it's still cold." Jenna complained. Sheba rolled her eyes as they were greeted by a strange blue-haired man. "Who? What? Huh?" he said. Felix sputtered for a moment. "Uh…" They see a flash of bright blue light. The blue-haired man smiled. "Oooh, pretty." He began to run off towards the lighthouse.

"Umm…."

A few minutes later, they all congregated around the entrance to the lighthouse. "Woe, is me! I can't get in!" the blue-haired ma- You know what? He's Piers. But no one really cares anyways.

Jenna sighed. "This is embarrassing. A few puzzles later, Piers turned to them and asked, "Wait, why are you still following me?"

"'Cause," Jenna replied.

"'Cause why?"

"'Cause"

"'Cause why?"

"'Cau-"

"SHUT UP!" Felix shouted over their stupidity. Jenna and Piers stared at him.

"What?" they said innocently. Felix just stomped off past them further into the lighthouse. The rest followed.

After long hours of solving puzzles, fighting monsters, and generally wasting time, they finally reach the aerie. They hear a voice. "Aha! IT'S YOU!" The looked over to see their mortal enemies, Karst and Agatio. Isaac gave them a big wave and said, "Hi!"

Jenna scratched her head thoughtfully. "Wait, you guys light the lighthouse hours ago! Why are you still here?"

Karst just cackled evilly. "MUAHAHAHAH….huh…well, I'm not entirely sure. Well, anyways, YOU CAN'T STOP US!"

Sheba raised an eyebrow. "You think we're here to stop you?" Karst stopped laughing. "Well…why else would you be here?"

"Umm…." said Felix.

"Because you have to?" Agatio helpfully supplied. Jenna beamed. "Yea! That's it!"

"Part of a divine plan?"

"Sure, sure."

Piers and Felix just stared. "Umm…."

"Anyways," Agatio said. "Karst, you should go"

"Oh, but I wanna beat 'em up nooowwwww!"

"No, no, not right now."

"You always ruin all my fun!"

Garet glanced around. "You know, I'm feeling really left out here…" The Wise One glared at him with his one eye. "Oh, shut up."

"No, really, it's no fair. I'm a main character too!"

"Just stop talking!"

"Geez, look who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…" Garet pouted.

"I don't sleep. I don't need sleep."

Karst stepped in on the conversation. "Are you ladies about finished?" Garet thought about this for a second, then said, "Hey, wait a minute…"

"Well, we're off then!" Agatio exclaimed, and pushed his companions onto the elevator. "Bye now!"

Felix blinked. "But what about not dying?" he whined.

They head Garet's voice from far below. "Oh you can die if you like. It doesn't matter much to me…"

"What??" Jenna screeched.

"Oh, uh, not you Jenna. No dying allowed!"

Jenna tried to look smug. "Much better."

---

Hopefully I managed to stay in one tense. I kept catching myself switching from past to present and back all the time since I'm rewriting this from a script format. I get confused sometimes. Well, don't drown!


	5. Continued Various Events

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Mismatched Sun

Chapter 5

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When we last left our heroes, they were just preparing to fight the eeeeevvviiilll Agatio.

Agatio cried. "I'm not evil!" he said as he sobbed to himself. Felix slapped his forehead. "Oh, good Sun"

Sheba glanced around. "Should I summon the cows?" Jenna widened her eyes in fury as she and Felix exclaimed, "NO!" Piers just stood around looking somewhat dazed. Sheba cackled in her delirium. Agatio scratched his head. "There's something very wrong with this picture," he said. Jenna stomped her foot. "Are we gonna fight or not? I'm getting hungry, and I have to pee!" Agatio shrugged. "Probably not. But we can if you wan-"

"Yes!" Jenna screamed.

"Ok," Agatio sighed. "I summon…AXE MURDERER!!" Felix looked bewildered. "What??"

"I summon, COW OF DOOM!" Sheba cried.

"Oh, no, why??" Jenna cried in pain. The axe murdered raised his axe and gave a mighty roar as the cow of doom moo'd with all its strength. Felix put his hands in his face. "I can't believe this" Agatio jumped up and down and cheered, "This is so exciting!"

"Behold the power of Beef!" Sheba cackled.

"I'm beholding," sneered Agatio. Jenna attempted to throw herself off the lighthouse but was stopped by an invisible force field, the proceeded to curl up into a ball and cry.

The axe murderer charged at the cow of doom and the simple bovine turned and ran. Agatio yelled, "I won, woo hoo!" until the axe murderer turned on him. "Uh, oh, time to go! Mia!" Mia appeared from behind the lighthouse beacon. Piers started in surprise. "Mia, how could you?" as Sheba cried over the loss of her beloved cow. Mia shrugged. "Laters," grabbed Agatio and teleported away. Piers jumped. "Tight oranges! You need to teach me how to do that!" Mia snickered as they went down the elevator. "Yea, right, like I would teach a loser like you how to do that."

Felix attempted to rouse the weeping girls so they could finally leave. Piers stomped his foot. "I'm not going." Felix shrugged. "Ok, fine by me!"

"No, wait, you can't leave me here! You can't!"

Jenna finally rose and said, "Oookay…fine."

Our heroes returned to the Kolima Pasture, saved the cow people as quickly as possible and continued on their epic journey. They arrived at a place called Fuchin Temple where they found some monks lounging about. One greeted them. "Yo," he said.

"Umm…." Felix commented. Another monk replied caringly, "'Sup." They walked up to the temple when…

"Force-orb DOKEN!" and Piers fell over, presumably dead. Felix bent down. "Nope, he's not dead yet." The heroes continued to the ominous Mogall Jungle. As they barged their way through, a monkey jumped out at them. "Ahhh!" Sheba screamed. "A monkey!" The monkey snarled and grew ten times in size. "Who you calling monkey, weakling human!"

"AHHH, RUN AWAY!" The group ran straight out of the forest, avoiding a time consuming, yet fulfilling maze. As they continued on their journey, they reached Xian, a fantastic city of wonders, arts, and water-bucket carrying people. As they walked down the main street, a woman carrying a large bucket of water stomped up towards them. "Get out of my way! Move. Now!" The heroes were paying no attention as they were gawking at their surrounding. "Ok…" the water bucket woman said, "Time for kung-fu hurting!" Felix turned around. "Uh, oh…."


	6. The Far East

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Mismatched Sun

Chapter 6

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When we last left our heroes, they were about to get whooped on by the water bucket woman for various reasons, mainly because they were in her way and she was just really stressed out. "Time for big kung fu hurting!" She then proceeded to beat the crap out of Felix. He lay on the ground, dazed. "Anyone else??" the woman screamed. Jenna giggled nervously. "Ehehe…nope!" and the trio ran off, leaving Felix where he was. A few hours later, Felix woke up. "Hey, where'd everybody go?" He got up and dragged himself off toward the biggest building he could see. As he entered, he saw a strong, rather intimidating sort of guy sitting at the front desk. He was speaking into a strange device. "No…no…we don't provide those services here…"

"Umm, hello?" Felix ventured. The guy held up his hand and mouthed, "Just a minute." He finished up his conversation and set the device down. "Ahem. Welcome to Master Fe's Kung Fu Training Center. Master Fe is not available right now, can I take a message?" Felix looked bewildered. All of a sudden, a girl burst from the doors behind the desk. "ARG! You're such an idiot!" she shouted.

"Ahhh!!" Felix screamed. "Purple hair alert!" The girl stomped to the front door. "I am leaving!" she yelled toward the doors she just burst from. Felix looked back towards those doors. An old man slowly floated out from behind the doors, raised his hands and yelled…"WHOMP!" Felix jumped. "Holy crap!" The receptionist stood quickly and bowed. "Master Fe! I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. You've had many messages come for you while you were busy." Master Fe turned toward the receptionist and yelled…"WHOMP!!" Felix decided that it would be a good time to get going. He raced out the door, past where he got beat up by a girl and out of the city.

While all this was happening, the others were busy running for their lives. As they entered the Alpine Crossing, they slowed to catch their breath. Piers gasped. "Is she still following us?"

"I think we lost her," Jenna said. The other two sighed in relief. "Thank the holy cow," Sheba said.

"Oh, for the love – hey, what's with all these rocks?"

Sheba shrugged. "Dunno, but I know how to get rid of them!" Jenna snarled. "Oh, no, you don't! We'll go around."

"Do we have to?" Piers whined. "I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and my feet hurt and-"

"SHUT UP!" The girls yelled. Felix skipped up to his so-called friends. "Hey, you guys are jerks!"

"SHUT UP!"

They continued on their journey until they reached the city known as Altin. Felix looked around. "Thirsty, anyone?" Piers rushed toward the apparent lake. "Sun, yes, I'm dying here!" A woman walked up to them. "That's monster spit, you know."

"AHH!!" Piers screamed and ran around trying to scrape his tongue off. "I'm gonna die!" The other three left the expiring Piers, killed the monsters, drained the town, and got the lift gem. By that time, Piers had revived himself and the heroes were able to finally leave the terrible, cursed town behind.

They continued on to Lama Temple, where they met a man named Master Hammet, who had a very strange heavy breathing problem. They were having a nice chat over tea, when suddenly he boomed, "Sheba, I am your father." Sheba screamed a horrible, murderous scream, summoned a herd of holy bovine and had him trampled. "Never!" she yelled. Jenna put her face in her hands. "I give up," she moaned. "Good thing," Felix told her. "You'll be a lot less stressed." Sheba stood up and realized she had learned a new skill that revealed a whole lot of things to her that she had never noticed before. There were lots of goodies in all the barrels and boxes around the Temple, and turning to Felix, she noticed how small-

"Sheba, what are you looking at!"

"Nothing!"

Then, the strange, purple-haired girl entered the temple. "Haloooo!!" she spouted. "Umm…." Felix replied.

"Is that all you can say?" she asked. "Because you are very good looking, and-"

Jenna and Sheba both launched themselves at the girl. "Arggg!" Sheba shouted as Jenna yelled, "You stay away from my brother!" The girl took off as fast as her purple hair would let her. The heroes began to leave the temple, but then they ran into a rotund man. "How dare you hurt my Feizhi-poo!" he griped at them. Sheba snickered. "Feizhi-poo?" They laughed so hard, the could barely stand. The big guy, he's Hsu, he stomped off angrily, back to Xian so he could cry to his mother about the big western bullies that were picking on him and his teddy bear.

Our foursome then traveled to the Lamarkan Desert, where they were surprised by an unusual climate change. "Brrrr…" Jenna shivered. "I thought it was supposed to be unbearably hot."

"Global warming," Felix replied. A gargoyle flew past them. "No, a shipment of snow for Prox just accidentally got dropped here. It'll melt in a few months or so." Felix scratched his head. "Ok…"

"It's not so bad!" Piers exulted. Jenna cast Fume and he was fried to a crisp. They pushed on through the huge piles of snow. They didn't get very far before they were freezing. Felix looked at his feet. "I'd really like to keep all my toes," he said. "I can solve this problem!" Sheba jumped up and down. Felix shivered. "Ok…su-u-ree-"

"I choose you, Super Flying Cow!" Jenna turned to Felix. "Now you see why this bothers me so much."

"Yup."


	7. Chapter 7

---

Mismatched Sun

Chapter 7

---

The fantastic four managed to make their way out of the converted desert by way of a super-powered cow, they happened upon the beautiful city of Kalay, which turned out to be a pretty noisy place. Every person in the city sang every word that came out of their mouths. Sheba stood in horror as the guards at the front gate sang to them. "Welcome to Kalay, the city of music!"

The other guard: "The hills are alive-"

Sheba rushed them past the guards. "Ok, lets get going, please." Piers smiled. "I like this place!"

"I hate this place." Sheba scowled. "But isn't this your home?" Jenna asked. "Can't you see how a place like this could be traumatizing to a small child?"

"Ok, I see your point." They passed by various citizens of Kalay, listening to the beautiful music (or the horrible noise, if you want to think of it that way).

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!"

"It's the ciiiirclee of liiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffeeeeeeeeee"

"Everybody was kung fu fighting!"

"Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!"

"SHUT UP!" Sheba screamed as loud as she could. There was complete silence. They walked up to the palace. Sheba looked up to it. "You know," she said. "I'd really just like to skip this all together."

"Why?" asked Jenna.

"You thought it was bad out there? They sing opera inside."

"Ok, fair enough." As they walked away, Hama leaned out a palace window. "But wait!" she cried. "I need you!" They ignored her, looking forward to better things.

They entered the Kalay Docks, and Felix walked up to the ticket counter, looking for some sort of passage. "How much are tickets?"

"One thousand coins apiece," the ticket lady replied.

"What?! What kind of a ticket costs that much?"

"Well the only ride available right now is a black and white spotted UFO." Jenna turned. "What?!"

"You know, to resemble a cow."

"Oh, Sun, no." Jenna said, just as Sheba turned around and noticed what was going on. "Oh, lookie there! Can we ride that?"

"I'm not getting on that!" Jenna demanded.

"What, are you going to swim across?" Felix asked.

"Yes! I don't care. I will not ride that monstrosity!"

"Woo hoo hoo hoo!" Sheba jumped and danced around. "No, I won't get on!" Piers looked at her. "I don't think you've got a choice." Felix tried to drag her onto the vessel. Jenna grabbed the grass in attempt to keep herself on dry land, so Felix knocked her out. They departed on their journey across the great lake. Jenna woke up a few minutes later. "Are we there yet?" she cowered. "Just five more minutes," Felix replied.

Five minutes later. "Are we there yet?"

"Five more minutes"

"But you said that five min-" Then there was a large crash.

"No more mintues." Jenna scrambled off the hideous thing as fast as she could and lay on the grass. "Oh, sweet merciful ground." The other three walked past her to the town of Tolbi. Piers wandered over towards a food vendor. "I'm starving!" he said. He grabbed some bread and other things. The shop vendor looked at him. "Do you want fries with that?" he asked, uncaringly. "Umm…what?" asked Piers. "Do you want fried with that?!" the vendor asked forcefully. "No! You don't have to be so pushy!" Piers stomped off. Jenna and Felix were busy dealing with some Tolbi soldiers. "We're looking for Hydros, we can't find him, have you seen him?"

"Who?"

"Old guy, kinda strange looking."

"Sorry?"

"Forget it."

Sheba walked over to a large stone pool filled to the brim with dark mud. "Meh, I'm bored," she said, throwing one of the useless gold medallions they'd been finding. Flashing lights flashed and bells rang. "You're a winner!" the mud puddle spouted. "Hooray! What do I win?" Sheba bounced. "You win this fantastic, multi-featured, 3000 model mutant cow!"

"AWESOME!"

Jenna sank to her knees and had a horrible mental breakdown.


	8. Chapter 8

---

Mismatched Sun

Chapter 8

---

When we last left Jenna, she was having a mental breakdown of epic proportions. She finally passed out from lack of oxygen. Felix wiped his forehead. "Whew," he said. A Tolbi citizen walked up to them. "I heard," he said, "if you take her to Altimmer Cave, she'll be magically healed."

"Huh," Felix said. "That's interesting. Let's head over there."

"But what about the cow, Felix? Can I keep it? Huh? Huh?" Sheba implored.

"Thinking, thinking, yea, no."

"Awwww, man…"

They go to the cave in hopes that it will somehow "magically" heal their distraught Jenna. "Woah, it's really dark in here," Piers noticed. "Yea, it's pretty creepy," Sheba agreed. Suddenly, all the lights in the cave came on. They saw on old man standing near a lake in the cave…in nothing but a speedo. "Dear Sun, my eyes!" Felix cried as he covered his face. At that moment, Jenna woke up from her unconscious state. She screamed, then fainted again. The old man turned to them. "Hi friends!" he said. "I'm King Hydros!"

"Wow, cool!" Piers said. Felix and Sheba looked at him. "Ah, I mean….OH MY VIRGIN EYES!"

Hydros headed towards the entrance of the cave, still in the speedo. "Well, I'd best be going, before someone starts to worry, eh?" Sheba cowered. "Can I open my eyes now?" Felix uncovered his face and looked around. "I think it's gone."

"Too bad," said Piers. "Uh, I mean, whew, what a relief." Felix looked at the lake. "Well, maybe this has healing properties," he said. They tossed Jenna in. She burst to the surface quickly. "Ahh, help!" she yelled. "I can't swim!"

After her rescue, they went back to Tolbi to try and enjoy the sights and sound of the city without being seriously disturbed again. As they entered the city, the old man King Hydros walked up to them. "AHHHH!!!" Felix screamed. "My eye- oh wait, you have clothes on this time." The King harrumphed. "Well, aren't you sensitive."

"Well, yes," Felix sobbed. "All I wanted in life was-"

"Yes, yes, no one cares," the king interrupted. "Anyways, I want you to compete in the Olympics."

"The what??"

"Sorry, Colosso. I need someone to show up those worthless thieves that are the favorites this year. It really won't do to have those guys having run of my fair city."

"This city is anything but fair…" The king ignored the comment. "Come, come," he said. "If you agree, I'll give you rooms at the palace."

"Done!" Piers shouted. They followed the king to his palace. "If there are any more scantily clad old men," Jenna murmured to Piers, "I'll kill you."

They were shown their rooms by some scantily clad young men. "Well, that's better," Jenna said. "Oh, look," Sheba exclaimed. "Water beds!" She bounced around. The king entered the room with another man, who happened to be fully clothed. "This, my friends," he said, "is Lunpa. He'll be looking after you all until the tournament is over." Lunpa walked up to Piers and proceeded to punch him in the face. Piers fell over. "Oww…what was that for?"

"Come with me!" Lunpa demanded. "Or I will send my brother, and he'll break your kneecaps!" Piers gulped. Lunpa took them to the tournament training room. "Now," he said, "all you have to do is take this stick," he handed a stick to Felix, "and hit him on the head with it," and pointed to Piers. Felix obliged. "Very good!" Lunpa praised and clapped at the performance. "You'll do just fine. Now, do it again…"


End file.
